Sir Lionel in, "Keeps Opening His Blooming Mouth" horror!
Glorious leader, Sir Lionel Blair, has yet again caused phenomenal embarrassment to his beleagured front-line troops as they try to patrol their areas preventing crime and the fear of crime, by suggesting [shudder at the very idea] that parts of Haringey were now safe enough for people to leave their doors open. Has he ANY idea how humiliating it is to be on the streets being mocked for every faux pas that he makes? I mean, you have to show some loyalty to your superiors, thin blue line and all that, but really, he does make it hard.
"Hello Officer, I am leaving my flat for a while now. Should I just leave the door unlocked as this area is now so safe?"
"No sir, I strongly advise you to double-lock and use your security gate, just like you normally do"
"Oh, so Your Boss is wrong then about how safe we are? Eh? EH??"
[thinking hard about who I would like to slap on the top of the head with a copy of Police Review more - My Boss or this sarcastic little muppet....]
"You may say that but I couldn't possibly comment". [ I then smile, as I suspect Mr Muppet won't get the rather clever cultural reference. He doesn't disappoint]
At least it makes a change from, "So, you going off to shoot some innocent Tube passengers then?"
[in my head I reply..."of course not, they won't even give me a gun, the buggers"] Some day I will just walk towards them, and, in the style of the old record, the Laughing Policeman, start a chorus of...
OH ho ho ho ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa
WOOOOH HOO HOO ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa
OH HO HO ho ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa
WOOH HOO HOO. WOO HOO ho ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......
...and then just walk away.