30 September 2006

Is this actually the stupidest idea EVER?

Respect to the MPS leadership! Just when you thought that they'd had so many stupid ideas recently that they really couldn't outdo themselves.... TA-DAAAAAAaaaaa:

From the Sunday Times -
POLICE have agreed to consult a panel of Muslim leaders before mounting counter-terrorist raids or arrests. Members of the panel will offer their assessment of whether information police have on a suspect is too flimsy and will also consider the consequences on community relations of a raid.
Members will be security vetted and will have to promise not to reveal any intelligence they are shown. They will not have to sign the Official Secrets Act.

"So do you promise not to say anything before we go and do our raid which we have to do in the interests of public safety/national security/catching criminals? You do? Fantastic! Here's all the information we have - do you still think we oughta? Now remember - you did promise with cherries on top, so Mum's The Word, eh?"

So are we to have similar consultation panels for other species of terrorist? When I was a kitten there was an ickle bit of a problem with Irish Republican terrorism and, indeed, Ulster Loyalist terrorism. This might have settled down a bit lately with the old peace dividend and all that but, as the torrid Gerry Adams said in a moment when he forgot the cameras were still on him when asked at a Republican rally where the IRA had gone said, "They haven't gone away you know".

So let's also consult the Irish (and "Ulster") diaspora, trawl around Kilburn and Cricklewood in London and East and West Belfast, get together a "panel" [how the Met Police loves its panels!] - in fact let's gather anyone with an Irish setter, who's once drank a Guinness or once worn any item of green clothing and ask them to opine about raids and investigations on current and previous acts of horror. We can have the Met's Irish police association to be the bridge between police and community, and have consultations with the Police Service of Northern Ireland and the Garda Siochana [apols for lack of fadas here - can't get the font on my computer].

Then we can have the senior command apologise ad nauseum if the raids don't turn up precisely what we were expecting. Not just one apology of course, because the first few won't take, but many, from many different people in disparate reaches of the service. We can have Lionel himself, Tarique "Gaffer" Ghaffur, Cressida "Annie Oakley" Dick, Brian "Puff the Magic" Paddick, Steven "Full" House and have the whole team line up like Father Jack in front of Bishop Brennan:

Father Jack Hackett: [after Bishop Brennan asks how he is] Arsebiscuits!
Father Niall Haverty: [shocked] How dare you say that to His Grace, you must apologize immediately!
Father Jack Hackett: [Father Ted squirms, as Father Jack sits up and puts his hands on his front like a dog, and in a dog-like voice] I'm... so... sooo... sorry.
Father Ted: [to Mrs. Doyle] Now that was sarcastic.

[From the IMDb database]

I despair.


Anonymous Joe Public said...

Which Eienstien though that up?

02 October, 2006 18:31  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does this mean the Mets will now consult with the Catholic church before they investigate paedophiles and child abuse?

03 October, 2006 20:57  
Blogger Bitseach said...

Probably not, as the MPS doesn't particularly care if it offends Christians as they've not been vocal enough, or militant (thank God!) recently.

Remember, it's the squeaking wheel that gets the oil.

03 October, 2006 23:52  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Stephen Lawrence enquiry was done, by the Labour Government, solely to "de-construct" the Met Police and re-train them into a Politically Correct model.

And Ian Blair and his "Command Team" are the result.

Welcome to Policing in London Nu-Labour style.

07 October, 2006 11:54  
Anonymous Joe Public said...

I came back and read it again just to see if it was still crazy.

Lets just say for a moment we go with the consultation idea... but why are the exempt from signing the offical secrets act?

My mate had to sign the act simply for working in a post office, you'd think when it came to National Security they'd be a bit more concious!

07 October, 2006 14:26  
Blogger Bitseach said...

Well even the post office is sliding down - they keep sacking (no pun intended) their permanent staff to take on temps. How many temps care about the OSA? (Or indeed the fate of my mail?!)

07 October, 2006 18:42  
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20 November, 2009 19:00  

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My views are my own and would probably not endear me to my dear employers.